Just Trying to Make Sense of It All

I have been betrayed by people I once considered friends—people who appeared  to be decent and worthy of my trust and loyalty.  As it turned out, appearances can really be deceiving, and so are someone’s actions, words, and way of speaking.

I admit I have been wrong, in judging a book by its cover, so to speak.  I have placed my trust on people who were in all appearances meek, nice and who acted like ladies.  Always forgetting past mistakes, always forgetting that some wolves are in sheep’s clothing, I fell into the trap.  Time and again, I find myself trusting the wrong people, investing my time in false friendships and getting hurt in the end.

I have worked in another industry prior to this – an industry that DID NOT HAVE to place high premium on Christian values but I have never been betrayed by people I met there. In fact, they were the friends I will always cherish for life.    In contrast, the industry that I belong to right now, place so much importance to Christian values and the Christian way of life.  However, it is where I have suffered betrayal, persecution and injustice.  The worst part of it all is that I suffered them all in the hands of people I trusted, people I once called friends. 

I wonder what is it about this profession that makes it so easy for colleagues to step on one another’s toes? I wonder what is it that makes them want to put someone down just so they can look better?  I wonder what is it that makes it so hard for them to just let the other enjoy his moment of triumph or glory?   Why can’t they keep themselves from raining on someone else’s parade?  Why can’t they just simply be happy for one another?  What is it about this profession that keeps someone from being the friend he is supposed to be?   

Are we all just so hungry for recognition, position and power that we are willing to sacrifice our relationships?  Is glory more important to us than kindness, respect, loyalty, trust and friendship?

Things will never be the same again. They CANNOT be the same again.  I may be able to forgive them in time but I know I will never see them again the way I once saw them.  As far as I am concerned, if they acted the way they did, they were never my friends and I do not in any way owe them any amount of loyalty.

I know that no matter what happens, no matter how many times I get hurt, I will always end up trusting once again, when someone new comes along.   It is kind of stupid, but it is the way I am.  Some may call me gullible or naive but I think that no matter how hard I try not to be, no matter how hard I try to keep my walls up, I will always end up letting my defenses down,  hoping against hope that someday, someone true and worthy of my trust will finally come along.