Saturday, November 21, 2015

Why I Blog

Bloggers blog for different reasons.  Some blog because they have a business and they want to establish some sort of online presence.  Some blog to build a reputation as an expert of something.  Some blog because they love to write and blogging is a cheap way to publish written work.  Some do it because they plan to monetize their blog and still,  some do it just for fun, to share experiences, to document their life.

I have five reasons for blogging. 

1. I used to keep a secret notebook when I was a teenager.. a diary which I fondly called Dyna.  I pretended it was a person and I would share with her my longings and innermost thoughts which were usually about my non-existent lovelife.  I miss expressing myself the way I did to Dyna and so I blog.  The only difference now is that Dyna has somehow become real.  She is each and every one of you who come here, browse and read whatever it was I wished to share for the day.  Dyna now "talks" to me, in every comment, every email  I get from my readers.  And now, I have twice the fun.

2. I like telling stories and sharing my experiences.  I see people on Facebook with long status messages about their experiences during the day,  And frankly, it's one of the things that annoys me,specially when they would replay conversations they had with their students or young children in a dialogue format (Hey, don't judge me here....different things annoy different people for some reason that usually can't be explained).  Since I don't want to do what they're doing on FB, I blog.  I blog to tell my stories to people who are interested to know.  I thought, I shouldn't  be flooding other people's news feeds with things they couldn't care less about, that I should write in my own space and if  my friends really cared enough about my days and really wanted to know what's going on in my life, then they'd come visit this place, and "open" The Secret Notebook.  Then  I'd know that  I'm sharing my experiences  only to those who are interested.

3.  I believe that things we read affect us in one way or another.  If they don't change the way we think, the way we do things or the way see the world, they will surely make us think, ask questions, or in the least, make us smile.  And I love that knowledge, that this blog has probably inspired someone, or has probably made someone see the world differently, has somehow made someone ask a question, or has warmed someone's heart.  I just love the thought that somewhere, somehow, another person from another part of the world reads about my life and is able to relate to it.

4. Blogging is my way of documenting not just my thoughts but my life.  Sometimes I want to remember how I felt about things that happened in my life and my blog is here to remind me.  All I have to do is  go through the archives.  Sometimes, I want to remember what happened on a specific day and I just have to come here and my notebook would tell me the story.   

5.  You probably know about the letters I write to my sweet Sofie.  I blog to send her my letters.  This blog is not only a document of my thoughts and my life. It now serves as something like a portal to Heaven where I can send letters and Sofia can get them.  I have been using this blog long enough to send these letters that when my letters become far in between, my mind actually reminds me that Sofia is waiting for a letter.

These are the reasons I blog.  What are yours?  I hope that if you haven't started blogging, this post will help convince you that you should try blogging yourself.

Happy Blogging!

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Christmas Doesn't Feel the Same This Year

Christmas at Powerplant Mall last year...I took this picture last year, brought me so much joy which explains the text.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year.  I used to get all excited each time I see / hear the first signs of Christmas.  Each little decor, each little tree would certainly receive my "oohs" and "aahs",  as if I were eight years old, instead of the "old" middle-aged woman that I was.

Last year, the Christmas season was even more special. We learned that I was pregnant on the 13th of December and our home and hearts were filled with gratitude, hope and even more and greater joy. Every prayer was offered for the baby in my womb and I claimed the baby as God's Christmas gift.  But you know how that story this time, I look at the sights of Christmas and I get sad.  I no longer feel that giddy excitement that I had always felt.  I look at the lights, and colors of Christmas and I have an empty feeling in my heart...empty save for sadness.    I hate to say it but Christmas has lost its luster. This year, it  just reminds me of everything we have lost.

I was hoping to get pregnant again this December but I don't know if we can even try now that I may have stones in my kidney.  I have to go see a urologist soon.

So, you see, it's hard to get excited for Christmas.  Last year, I placed a text on that first photo that said, "Who wouldn't love Christmas?"  I was so naive.  Now I know better.  I just hope that as Christmas comes nearer,  my heart may somehow find even just a fraction of the joy that I have always felt on Christmastime.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Fourteenth Letter to Sofia

Dearest Sofie,

I wanted to tell you how much I miss you.  I have been crying a lot lately.  Your dad only needs to mention your name and tears would well up in my eyes.  I look at your pictures and I cry.  I cried during Mass yesterday and while I was waiting for my order at the coffee shop at lunchtime today, I suddenly found myself crying because I was thinking about how much I missed you.  I love thinking about you but it's hard to think about you without getting sad.  It's weird that the thing that makes me happy is the same reason that makes me sad.

I don't know if you know that Daddy and I have been buying kinder joys for you.  We buy them and keep the toys when they are for girls.

Just like this toy ring...  the petals spin round and round when I blow them.  We try to imagine how you would probably giggle if you were the one to blow them and they spin around just like they do when I blow them.

And these girly dolls...

Lately, my sadness is doubled or should I say, tripled because every time I think of you, I also remember your two siblings (who I hope are keeping you company there in Heaven).  I feel so sorry for them because I have never kissed them the way I have kissed you.  They have never felt my touch or heard my voice.  I call them Marie Clarisse and Mary Pauline just because I wanted a girl but they had gone back to Heaven long before we could have known their genders.  I didn't even know that they were twins until Marie Clarisse had already gone to Heaven.  And I don't even know the exact time day when Mary Pauline went to join Clarisse.

This picture is the only memory I have of them and it makes me so sad.  Please tell them that they too were loved, and are loved still.

I love you so much sweet Sofie.  I love all three of you.

Flying hugs and kisses to you all in Heaven.

Love always,


Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Thirteenth Letter to Sofia

Dear Sofie,

Your sixth month in Heaven was two weeks ago. I'm sorry I wasn't able to write .  You know you have been in our minds, in MY mind and that we celebrated it with a lovely delish caramel cheesecake. Really yummy!

Daddy, Kuya, Lolo and Lola went home to our province in Zambales to celebrate All Saints Day there. Of course, I couldn't leave your ashes at home on All Saints Day so we took your ashes with us.

We prayed and  lit a candle for you at the cemetery where your great grandparents were buried. We left the cemetery at around 6:00 in the evening and of course, I took your ashes with me.

We only stayed one night in the province but we had a nice time as we were able to spend some bonding moments with some of our relatives there.

Lolo and Lola with some relatives

That's your Kuya, wearing his trademark Beatles shirt playing music with a distant cousin.

There's Daddy having a chat with a relative's husband during our visit to one of our relatives' resting place.  Your urn was inside that pink bag.

Here I am with Kuya in front of the town church

And here I am with Daddy.

And here are some of the sceneries I enjoyed while traveling to and from our town.

I am happy that I was able to take this road trip with you by my side.

I miss you sweet baby Sofie and I love you very much.

Love always with lots of flying hugs and kisses to Heaven,