Christmas Doesn't Feel the Same This Year

Christmas at Powerplant Mall last year...I took this picture last year, brought me so much joy which explains the text.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year.  I used to get all excited each time I see / hear the first signs of Christmas.  Each little decor, each little tree would certainly receive my "oohs" and "aahs",  as if I were eight years old, instead of the "old" middle-aged woman that I was.

Last year, the Christmas season was even more special. We learned that I was pregnant on the 13th of December and our home and hearts were filled with gratitude, hope and even more and greater joy. Every prayer was offered for the baby in my womb and I claimed the baby as God's Christmas gift.  But you know how that story ended...so this time, I look at the sights of Christmas and I get sad.  I no longer feel that giddy excitement that I had always felt.  I look at the lights, and colors of Christmas and I have an empty feeling in my heart...empty save for sadness.    I hate to say it but Christmas has lost its luster. This year, it  just reminds me of everything we have lost.

I was hoping to get pregnant again this December but I don't know if we can even try now that I may have stones in my kidney.  I have to go see a urologist soon.

So, you see, it's hard to get excited for Christmas.  Last year, I placed a text on that first photo that said, "Who wouldn't love Christmas?"  I was so naive.  Now I know better.  I just hope that as Christmas comes nearer,  my heart may somehow find even just a fraction of the joy that I have always felt on Christmastime.