Fourteenth Letter to Sofia

Dearest Sofie,

I wanted to tell you how much I miss you.  I have been crying a lot lately.  Your dad only needs to mention your name and tears would well up in my eyes.  I look at your pictures and I cry.  I cried during Mass yesterday and while I was waiting for my order at the coffee shop at lunchtime today, I suddenly found myself crying because I was thinking about how much I missed you.  I love thinking about you but it's hard to think about you without getting sad.  It's weird that the thing that makes me happy is the same reason that makes me sad.

I don't know if you know that Daddy and I have been buying kinder joys for you.  We buy them and keep the toys when they are for girls.

Just like this toy ring...  the petals spin round and round when I blow them.  We try to imagine how you would probably giggle if you were the one to blow them and they spin around just like they do when I blow them.

And these girly dolls...

Lately, my sadness is doubled or should I say, tripled because every time I think of you, I also remember your two siblings (who I hope are keeping you company there in Heaven).  I feel so sorry for them because I have never kissed them the way I have kissed you.  They have never felt my touch or heard my voice.  I call them Marie Clarisse and Mary Pauline just because I wanted a girl but they had gone back to Heaven long before we could have known their genders.  I didn't even know that they were twins until Marie Clarisse had already gone to Heaven.  And I don't even know the exact time day when Mary Pauline went to join Clarisse.

This picture is the only memory I have of them and it makes me so sad.  Please tell them that they too were loved, and are loved still.

I love you so much sweet Sofie.  I love all three of you.


Flying hugs and kisses to you all in Heaven.


Love always,

Mommy