I haven't been in the mood to do a lot of writing lately.
I'm beginning to think that I have so many limitations when I write my posts. So many of the people I personally know have found out about this blog. I don't even know why some would "google" me. Of course, we all want to have readers. We all want people to read our blog. But then, I kind of wish that only people who didn't know me personally would read it.
It so hard to open up on the internet and some of the things you say might get you in trouble. Sometimes, I want to speak in codes. But I can't, coz then, nobody would understand me! Oh well, what to do!!! Like right now, I feel like saying something but I can't!
I feel so helpless and frustrated. And I just want to wring my fingers and pull my hair. Oh yeah, I'm ugly this way. When I'm mad at a situation and it's so frustrating and there's nothing I can do to change it, it just makes me feel better to go stomp my feet and shout and do crazy things like these!
Maybe I feel this way because of all that has been going on lately. Stress at work added to the fact that our wedding day is fast approaching! September is really flying by so fast. The wedding is on the 2nd of December this year! There are still too many things to do and accomplish! And I'm running out of Saturdays to do them!!! I feel like, "Why do I have to go to school every day of the week and still go to school on Saturdays?" Last Saturday, we had our Family Day for the primary grades. Next Saturday is the family of the intermediate grades. That's going to be in the morning and then in the afternoon, I have to attend a seminar on reading! I was hoping we could have our taste test this Saturday and now I have to move it to another day!
We will be having our outreach to a women's correctional facility on the 22nd. I'm so not in the mood for all of these! Okay, so I want to help and offer hope and all, but then again....it stresses me so! I feel like a bad, selfish person already but honestly, it's so stressful!
I have a child I want to spend my weekends with. But lately, he's always with his dad on Saturdays. The only day we are both free is Sunday. But then....I still have to do my lesson plans on Sundays! And get this....it takes an ordinary teacher like me at least three hours to make one lesson plan! The format is soooo complicated! And it's not the only thing I have to do for work! There's more!
And there's only one of me! Sometimes, I try to forget the things I have to do and just concentrate on being a good mom to my son, and try to bond with him. And then...I feel guilty! I feel guilty for not doing paperworks! Imagine that! Why do I have to feel guilty when I spend time with my son?
It's just so frustrating! I can't even say d***! I'm afraid my students would think it's not "teacher-like". Goodness! It's as if I am trapped inside an invisible wall, with my hands tied with an invisible rope! I hate this feeling!