Vigelante in Training

I've always had a tendency to be addicted to television series.

When  I was in high school I got addicted to MacGyver.  I could never go out Saturday night because I didn't want to miss an episode.  If I did go out, I'd make sure that I was home on time for the show.

When I was in college, it was Homefront.  They showed season 2 at twelve midnight so my sister and I used to sleep early, then set our alarm at 12 so we could wake up and watch the show.

When I was already working, it was Felicity.  My sister was lucky to eat at Dean & Deluca in New York City.  I recently saw a Dean & Deluca soon-to-open shop nearby and I promised myself I'd go there once it opens.

Seven years ago, it was Smallville.  I'd go on marathons and look for youtube fan-made videos of Lana and Clark.

Just recently, I got addicted to Arrow because of Felicity.  The first time Felicity appeared in the show, I got a feeling she would be perfect for Oliver and all her silly mumblings about Oliver, and being his girl, are just too cute for me that I can't help but to follow the show and see what's in store for the two of them.  So, I'm usually searching for fan-made videos again, this time, OLICITY videos.  :)

Last weekend, I tried something I would never have tried had I not been a fan of Olicity.

It was so exhausting because of the bow's weight but I had a lot of fun playing with my Hunny Bed.  We agreed that it wasn't the last time.  We'd be back with my son, Toots, who has an addiction to superheroes.

We had dinner afterwards in a nearby mall.  The decors were so pretty, I couldn't resist the photo opportunity.

Let's all enjoy the holidays!!!

Counting

It's the season to be merry!

There's only :

15 days  before our second wedding anniversary.


26 days before my nephew's second birthday celebration.

33 days before my parents'  forty-third wedding anniversary.

38 days before Christmas.

I'm not that excited about New Year's Day because everything goes back to normal after it and I'll have to wait another year for the merriest time of the year.

So I'll just enjoy every minute of the holiday season while it lasts!

October's Top Four

October was a great month for me.  Here are my top four reasons in no particular order. 

1. We had our school field trip.  The itinerary for the Grade 4 pupils included two old churches.  As you already know, I'm a sucker for everything old.

with fellow teachers in front of the church in Lumban

The church belfry in Lumban

     This was the side of the church in Paete, a town that's known for their wood carvings.  The church 

                                                         was built from 1646-1770.

Below is one of the paintings inside the church.  It was painted around 1770 using cat's tail as a brush, animal blood and natural paint from plants.

2.  I decided to explore whatever hidden talents I had in painting.  I'm taking it slowly though by    doing some sketches first.

3. I fell in love with the Taal Basilica.  I made a separate post about that here.

4. I was finally able to go back to my hometown in Sta. Cruz, Zambales. You can visit the post about it here.

I hope November is going to be even more fantastic for me and my family and for all of my readers.

What great things happened to you in October?

Back in my hometown

I spent a lovely time going back to my hometown in Sta. Cruz, Zambales last weekend.

Ruel, Toots and I took the six-hour drive from Manila to Sta. Cruz at dawn last Saturday.  I had forgotten how lovely the countryside was.

It was a trip of endless "oohs and aahs".

We left early so we could visit the graves of my grandparents.  If we left two hours later, we would have met heavy traffic.

I just love pretty skies!

On All Saints Day and All Souls Day, people in our town still follow the old tradition of visiting the graves.

There is always enough people at the cemeteries to cause traffic and they usually stay at the grave sites for hours.   Some even spend the entire day there. 

You're probably wondering how anyone can spend such a long time at a cemetery.  There's actually plenty of things to do, aside from lighting candles and praying.  This is the time when families and relatives would usually get together as they visit the graves of their ancestors and dead relatives and when you haven't seen your cousins for a long time, well, a day at the cemetery is not enough.  And since the cemetery is in a small town, almost all the folks are related by blood and it is but natural to go from one grave to another to pray for the souls of the dead and to engage in short conversations with those who are still alive.  Some people even bring food if they plan on spending the whole day there.  It actually looks like a fiesta and I am so sorry I was not able to take pictures around the cemetery.  I realize I should have so you could have a better idea of how the town cemetery looks like during this time of the year.

Going back to my hometown, seeing the graves of my grandparents, seeing the ruins of my grandparents' home brought back so many happy memories.  I miss my doting grandparents, I miss the innocence of my childhood, I miss the simple life in a sleepy town.  I miss everything about it that I already want to go back.

This used to be the stairs going up to the second floor of my grandparents' house.

Hopefully, with God's grace, we will again be able to visit our hometown next year in time for the harvest of our mangoes.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The Past Revisted

A lot of my friends say that I am an old soul.  I guess that's the best explanation they have for my fascination for the past and everything that's old.

I love antique stores.  I love antique things, though I don't particularly like buying antiques as I am quite scared of bringing something else home with me... if you know what I mean.

I love old songs, old dances and the fashion of the past.  

And I cannot say no to a chance to visit an old town, an old ancestral house or an old church.

Yesterday, I saw an opportunity to visit a church I had always wanted to visit but never had the chance to until yesterday.

Hunny Bed and I went to Batangas to visit his aunt and the tomb of his grandparents.  Since the church I wanted to go to was just an hour away from there, I requested Ruel to drive us to Taal where the church was.  Being the perfect gentleman that he always is, and being the husband who always wants to please his wife, he agreed to take that side trip to the "Heritage Town" of Taal.  

After asking around three people for directions, we finally entered the town and I immediately regretted not making that side trip a main trip long ago.  There were still a lot of ancestral houses in town, and many of them were turned into museums which I thought would have fascinated my son as well, had he been with us and had we had enough time to go around the town.  My son and I share the same passion for history and this was something we could have enjoyed together.  

The church was easy to find, as the massive structure stands on top of a hill.   It stands 95 meters long and 45 meters wide.  This majestic church looks out to the rest of the town below it.

And yes, it was love at first sight!!! A big thank you and a big kiss to Ruel for bringing me there!

Walking up and and down these stairs made me wonder how many women like me had climbed the same steps to the church.  What kind of life did they live during the Spanish colonial time?  What town gossips did the women talk about while climbing up the stairs to the church?  What were their pains? What did they pray for?

                                                            I just loved these columns!!!

                    and of course, the man in green!

                                                                        That's me with the church's old bell.

An image of the Sacred Heart stands in front of the basilica.

                         

How the church looks inside 

The interior of the church had undergone restorations and renovations over time but the exterior has weathered the test of time. The old San Martin de Tours church was built during the late 1500s in another site near the shore but the church was terribly damaged by the Taal Volcano erruption in 1754 and it was rebuilt in the present site in 1755 with the help of men, women and children who carried the adobe slabs that were dug up from the original site to the new church site on top of the hill.  The structure was badly damaged during the 1849 earthquake and was rebuilt from 1856-1865.

Love, love the imprints of time!

That's my Ruel beside the old bell.  I forgot to ask if it was from the original structure.

The Taal Church or San Martin De Tours Basilica is baroque in style and is considered to be the largest Catholic Church in Asia.

I found my new favorite church, a real historic treasure in a town rich with culture and heritage.  I wish to get another glimpse of it soon, and explore the rest of the town with Ruel and my son.

Until then, I'll continue to search for other windows to the past. 

Currently...

I have tried writing a post, uploaded some pictures, but to my dismay and frustration I just couldn't finish it because my laptop was responding so slowly! It was supposedly a review of the month of August which has already gotten stale since we are alrealdy at the end of September.  So, instead of finishing that post, I'm doing a currently post here on my phone to avoid the frustration that comes from using my laptop.

Currently, I am....

THINKING of a menu for Christmas and New Year's Eve. I'm always excited about Christmas and this year isn't any different.

MAKING a Christmas list in my mind. (Unlike most people who write down their lists, I only usually make a mental list of things I want to remember. ) Last year I promised myself I wouldn't overspend this year. But I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to do so.  There's no harm in trying though.

WANTING to get pregnant. I was supposed to have my period three days ago but until now it hasn't arrived. I'm starting to worry that I'm not ovulating. I hope I'm wrong. We can start trying again this October so I hope I have a normal cycle. I haven't been to my acupuncturist for three weeks now because of my busy schedule. Hopefully, I can go next Saturday.

CRAVING for milk tea, ice cream, cakes and pastries and everything that's bad for me. Why does the bad feel/taste so good??? I guess that is an age-old question.

WISHING I had more time for my family and for myself. For the past two months, I've been going to work on Saturdays, leaving only Sundays to attend to family duties (my side and hubby's side) and nothing is left for some "me" time which I define as a time for reading or just staying in bed doing nothing but enjoying the sheets. How I miss that!

Well, that's the end of my currently post.

Let's all hope I can write a new post using my laptop soon. I guess I have to have it reformatted and I don't know when I can have time for that.

Thoughts on Turning 40

on my first birthday

I'm writing this post two days before I turn 40.  I guess when you reach this age, it is but natural to look back at the past, see where you've been, what you have done and accomplished, ponder on the things you left undone, words left unspoken, chances not taken and wonder what could have been. I'm two days short of being forty and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I see people I know living the life I've always wanted, doing the work I've planned to do when I was twenty years younger. I see people I know living my dream.

Two days from now I turn forty. And life is far from the life I thought I'd have when I was just a teenager.

Yes, life didn't turn out the way I wanted. I've made mistakes that had turned my life upside down but       regardless of whatever mistakes I've done, whatever chances I didn't take, whatever things and words I didn't do and say, I always realize I have everything that makes life worth living.

My smart, talented and opinionated fifteen-year-old son --  I worry about him every day, I complain about how hard it is raising a teenager, I get stressed when he argues with me but in spite of everything, I'd rather be a mother rather than a single woman travelling the world. And I'll never trade him for any other boy.  If I have to live my life all over again, I'll do the same things I've done, walk the same path I've walked, commit the same errors I've committed just to make sure I'll still have him for my son.

My son, Toots, when he was ten years younger.

Hunny Bed - I know he loves me.  He is my second chance.  He takes care of me and of my son.  He does everything to make me happy and I live for his embrace.

My parents and my sister -- No matter what happens, I know they will always be there for me.  We may not agree on everything ...or on a lot of things but they are my stronghold on this earth.  I feel very blessed that I still have my parents with me and I pray for many more healthy and productive years for them.  My sister and I no longer spend as much time as we did before, but she and I will always be the best friends that we were when we were just innocent young girls playing make-believe.

This was taken today during my advance birthday celebration.

My little nephew, Emilio -- He is such a joy!  Playing with him makes me feel like a child again and because he looks a lot like my son, he reminds me so much of my son's toddler years.




Lastly, I have job I believe I am good at, a job that allows me to touch the future and change society one child at a time.  Not many successful people can say that about their job.

These are the things that matter.  I'm turning 40 on Tuesday.  I don't have much to show based on the world's standards but God has given me everything I need to keep me happy....and that's what's really important.

Things I Learned During My Two-Month Maternity Leave

There were a lot of things I learned during my maternity leave. A lot of them were from the research I have made about the reproductive system, the  process of reproduction, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, fertility diet. But some of them were about life.  Let me share some of these with you.

1. You will know who your real friends are when there is a storm.

2. Not everyone you have lunch or coffee with is your friend. And not everyone you consider your 

    friend is truly your friend.

3. Some people simply don't care no matter how much they pretend to do when the storm has passed.

4. Things happen for a reason and though we don't always understand this reason, we just have to 

     trust the wisdom of God.

5. There are things we can control and things we can't. The only thing we can do about the things we  

    can't control is to let God control them for us.

I'm hoping the next learnings I will have will come from a happy experience.

Baby Plan

It's now more than a month after my miscarriage.  Aside from the medical management for my ectopic pregnancy I have been busy preparing my body for the baby the Great Creator of Life will grant us.

I have been  making conscious effort  to have more vegetables and fruits in my diet.   I also have been reading up on the different fruits and vegetables that can help a couple with fertility issues.

I've  been going to an acupuncturist.  I've had three sessions and will have my fourth one tomorrow.  I hope I can be more relaxed tomorrow as I still am a bit uncomfortable about the needles which the doctor leaves for 20 minutes.  It's not that the process is painful.  In fact, you don't really feel the prick.  My acupuncturist is also a medical practitioner, an ob-gynecologist affiliated with two of the most prestigious hospitals in the country so I feel safe. It's just I'm naturally fearful of needles.  

I have also been praying this prayer which I found on the internet and took a screen shot of.  Well...actually, it's not the only prayer I've been praying but it's one of my favorites.

I'm 95 percent decided not to have another round of fertility treatments as I have read that they increase the risk of pregnancy complications like ectopic pregnancies, etc.  

I'm more inclined to go about my fertility problem the natural way.  With diet, acupuncture, a positive outlook and lots and lots of prayer, I believe that I'll have a beautiful, normal and healthy baby in my arms soon.

I had twins!

First of all, I would like to thank the four ladies who left a comment on my last post. You were all so sweet and I apologize for not having been able to reply. I tried to reply thrice but somehow my reply was not posted everytime. I tried opening my email so I could reply via email but to my surprise there were no email notifications of blog comments.  I think there is a problem with blogger.

I have been away for almost a month. One would think I would be okay now after what happened with my pregnancy. That's just the exact opposite. It's really weird....what happened to me. On the day I miscarried they found a mass in my ovary and I had to undergo hcg tests and ultrasound monitoring to rule out another pregnancy which was ectopic. Last week the reader saw a yolk sac where the mass was. My doctor said he had to take it out through laparotomy. It would cost around 130k. I wanted to find another doctor in a cheaper hospital. It would be okay for me to spend that amount when I'd be going home with a baby.

I sought out other doctors with the help of a family friend who was also a doctor until I met Dr. Pauline Chan of Cardinal Santos. She said that since my ectopic pregnancy was still small and my hcg low she could just give me a dose of methotrexate as medical management.

Goodness gracious! The medicine gave me three days of bloating andsome serious cramping! I just wanted to stay in bed all day. It hurt a lot to stand, like my abdomen would suddenly burst open. It was like I was recovering from a c-section without the pain reliever.

From 198, my hcg level went down to 156 last Monday. My doctor said it should fall below 100 on Friday. Otherwise, I'd have to have another shot of methotrexate. I hope my hcg level does fall significantly as I don't want to have another shot of methotrexate. I read on the net that this medicine depletes the body of folic acid which is very essential for the normal development of a baby in the womb.  I also read that there was a waiting period before trying to get pregnant again and the more shots you have, the longer you should wait.  This is my problem. Younger women can wait a year but I don't have the luxary of time as I am old and my fertility is decreasing with the passing of the days. I hope and pray that God would restore the health of my body and that He'd grant me the baby girl I desperately desire soon.

So I guess I have to think of another baby name. It seems I had twins and I was only able to give a name to the one in my uterus.  The one in the ovary needs one too.  I have to go and think of one now or maybe let my husband do it since I was already the ine who named Marie Clarisse.

I hope better days are coming...

For My Angel in Heaven

For 13 days I walked around in a bubble of happiness.

I learned I was pregnant and for a while everything was different. The world looked brighter. I was finally pregnant after fourteen years. I was sure it was a girl.

That bubble of happiness burst yesterday when I lost the baby.
I came home feeling empty. It's funny how you can miss someone you've never really seen, how it's so easy to love someone after just two weeks of knowing she existed.

I read somewhere that souls who leave this earth even before being born are the holiest of souls. And that is my consolation. I pray that she knows that we loved her and still do and that love will always be there no matter how many years pass and even if I give birth to another baby girl. I will always remember those thireen days of happiness that she gave me. Those moments I placed my hands on my tummy, desperately trying to somehow connect with her are so precious to me. So I thank her for making me and her dad so happy even if it was just for a little while.

I know she is an angel in heaven and she will always be there to help me pray to God. I'll have a little angel in heaven praying to God to give me a little angel here on earth, a healthy baby girl who looks just like me and whom I will raise in God's love so that one day when she is old and has lived a full life, she will go back to God in heaven.

So to my little angel in heaven, Marie Clarisse, you will always be a part of me. Thank you for the joy and happiness you made us feel. I have never kissed or hugged you but God will kiss and hug you for me.  I love you forever.

Pregnancy News

I am five weeks and one day pregnant today.

Yep, you've read that right. I am pregnant and I couldn't believe it either when I first tested on the 16th.  The test band was very faint and I thought I was just seeing things so I repeated the test the next day and I got another faint test band but darker from the one the day before. We bought different brands of pregnancy test and I tested every morning for another five consecutive days. The test band got darker and darker each time until Ruel and I were finally convinced.

I had my first ultrasound last Wednesday but it was still too early to detect a heartbeat. Fortunately, I was somehow appeased to find out that it was an intrauterine pregnancy.  I'm counting the days till my next ultrasound which will be in less than two weeks' time. Then we'll be able to see a fetal heartbeat!

As of now, I'm trying so hard not to get obsessed with pregnancy apps. I have three of them. Time seemed to have stopped and no matter how much I want it to go faster, it doesn't.

I haven't felt any symptom of pregnancy except for sore breasts. The morning sickness which was an all-day sickness with my first pregnancy has not yet started. There are no weird cravings. I never had them during my first and I don't think I'll have them now. I'm always looking for something to eat but I'm not so sure it has something to do with my pregnancy.

For now, I will try my best to focus on the things at hand, like preparing for the opening of the school year. I will try but no promises.:)

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

We celebrated it last night with a simple dinner at Chilli's.  We all missed my sister who's presently in Australia with her family.  Unfortunately, we were not able to document the celebration even with the presence of my new monopod which is my favorite "gadget" at the moment.

This can extend up to two of my arms length. 

These pictures were taken by me with the help of my monopod.

And speaking of pictures, I thought the sky looked lovely yesterday, so I took some pics.

Is that a pretty sky or what?

God is so good!

April Blessings

April had been kind to me. The absence of work-related stress these last three weeks is something I thank God for.

Let's take a quick look at some of my blessings this past month.

We celebrated my sister's birthday at Seven Seasons.

I got a chance to see this  glorious sunset.

I spent hours playing with my nephew.

I see beauty every time I go out the front door.

April was a blessed month though not every blessing was captured in camera.

One blessing was captured in an ultrasound report though and it's worth sharing.  I have two mature follicles, one in my right ovary and another in my left.  I had my Pregnyl shot last Tuesday.  Please whisper a short prayer for me.

Stress

Stress is a big part of my life, whether I am at work or not.  Weird because if you ask me, I think only work-related things should cause stress but curiously, that's not true at all.

So, here are everyday things and not so everyday things that cause me stress:

1. Softdrinks bought from a fast food drive-thru  -  When I'm driving with my husband and son        and we buy softdrinks, Ruel would usually be handing the food and drinks over to me after getting them from the lady at the window and I'd get stressed over having to get everything fast and keeping the softdrinks balanced to avoid spillage.

2. Buying shoes-My feet are so tiny I have a terribly hard time finding shoes that fit. In fact, I consider shoe shopping a chore.  It's stressful for me and to the salesladies who keep  going back to the stockroom to find another style, another size.  It's very seldom that I find shoes that fit so when I do I usually end up buying them regardless of the style.

3. Going through airport queues - News of people putting drugs in bags of other passengers give me paranoia. Filling out forms, paying airport tax, while pulling my bags and making sure I do not lose my documents and going through immigration are things I do not enjoy at all....and that's putting it mildly.

4. Cleaning my dog's number 2-I love my doggie but I hate doing this.  I have to make sure I do not touch it with my fingers and I usually soap my hands three times afterwards.

5. Finding out that there's a faculty meeting after class-This is a big deal for me.  I'm usually so excited to go home.  It's what I always look forward to so if I am told that there's going to be a meeting after class, it usually ruins my day.  Why can't they schedule meetings at least a day before? That way, I'll be able to condition my mind.

6. Leaving my phone at home unintentionally-This makes me uncomfortable the whole day.  I know it's wrong but I find it hard to focus and function without my phone beside me.

7. Rain-When it's raining hard and I'm at home, I worry that there would be another flood.  When I'm not at home, I still worry about flood, having to get home, and making sure my legs and feet don't get wet.

8. Cleaning chicken - Removing the heart, liver and lungs is a disgusting process.

9. Annual examination - I specifically hate the fecalysis  and hate is an understatement.

10. Leaving the house and thinking that I've forgotten to check the gas -  I usually check the gas but I also usually doubt that I had.

There are still many others but I'm too excited to show you what Ruel bought for me today.

Two new pairs of shoes that fit !!! 

I never get to buy two new pairs because I hardly ever find a pair that do not need two corks. 

This only happens once in a blue moon and it made me sooooo happy I feel like dancing!

And shoe shopping today did not stress me a bit.

What about you?  What gives you stress?

Feelings

I've been feeling a little down lately.  I've had two disappointments this month although I'm still kind of hoping that things would turn around at the last moment and I'd end up with only one disappointment after all.

I have not been feeling well physically either.  There's an on and off feeling of nausea.  It's been five days now.  I woke up at 8 am yesterday and when I stood up I felt like vomiting.   Today, there was just this general feeling of being unwell but I just can't seem to pinpoint what is wrong. I just like lying down all the time.

I suspect that my brain is making my body think it is pregnant.  I've heard of women having pregnancy symptoms just because they wanted to be pregnant and not because they were actually pregnant.  Well, all of these would have been worth it if I was.

My sister and her family are leaving for Australia for a three-week vacation tomorrow.  I'm sure I'm going to miss playing with little Emilio. I'd be back at work by the time they get back.

Meanwhile, I just have to get my body shrug off this "unreasonable" feeling and try to enjoy the rest of my summer break.

National Infertility Awareness Week

I had another ultrasound today....another disappointment.  I was very hopeful before today but it seems that my body is not responding to my medications.  My endometrium was still thin and the size of my follicles was not enough for the doctor to release the egg.

Then I opened my facebook and I was bombarded with announcements from acquaintances who had either given birth or are expecting. I want to be happy for them, but I just can't.  I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

This journey that my husband and I are on is indeed filled with highs and lows, anticipation, anxiety and frustration.  While searching the net for information about infertility and natural ways to boost one's fertility I realized that there were a lot of women who are on the same journey. 

This week is actually National Infertility Awareness Week, and to help raise awareness, Lauren of Our Crazy Ever After is hosting a linkup for women who would like to share their own personal stories on infertility.  She has paired us up with other bloggers who would be hosting our stories on their blogs.

To know more about my story, swing by  Becoming What I Always Was.  Miki was gracious enough to host it.  

Easter Happiness

Happy Easter everyone! I wonder how you spent your Holy Week.

Mine was spent in prayer, visiting churches, praying the Stations of the Cross, the Sorrowful Mysteries, going to confession and going to a lovely Easter Vigil and Easter Mass late last night.  I regret not having prayed more though and I plan to visit more churches and to pray more next year, with God's bountiful blessings.

Easter morning was spent cooking.  I cooked fried chicken and spaghetti for a simple Easter lunch and we had sliced water melon for dessert.  It was a simple, yet special meal because my parents were here and my sister's family too.

I hid some Easter eggs for my nephew to find.  At the last moment, I brought out the book I bought for the occasion.

 I spotted  this book after I bought the bunny below.   I noticed that it was about Easter and the color of the rabbit was the exact color of the bunny I bought.  I just had to buy the book for Emilio.

I named him Peter Cottontail, just like the rabbit character in the book.  I thought that would help Emilio relate the character in the book to the  live bunny.

so cute!

Here's Emilio with his new book.

And because we just couldn't get enough of Emilio, we decided to follow them to the mall later in the afternoon.  We had ramen for dinner.

Emilio is always so happy when I'm around.  

Oh and that's my son who is a proud Michael Jackson fan.  He's showing off MJ's new record cover which he made into his cellphone wallpaper.

                                           We had these yummy creme puffs for dessert.

I just can't get enough of them. Not too sweet but sweet enough to make you crave. I was just scared that  gaining more weight would make it harder for me to conceive so I didn't finish everything.

I wonder how you spent your Easter.  I hope it was just as blessed as mine.