For 13 days I walked around in a bubble of happiness.
I learned I was pregnant and for a while everything was different. The world looked brighter. I was finally pregnant after fourteen years. I was sure it was a girl.
That bubble of happiness burst yesterday when I lost the baby.
I came home feeling empty. It's funny how you can miss someone you've never really seen, how it's so easy to love someone after just two weeks of knowing she existed.
I read somewhere that souls who leave this earth even before being born are the holiest of souls. And that is my consolation. I pray that she knows that we loved her and still do and that love will always be there no matter how many years pass and even if I give birth to another baby girl. I will always remember those thireen days of happiness that she gave me. Those moments I placed my hands on my tummy, desperately trying to somehow connect with her are so precious to me. So I thank her for making me and her dad so happy even if it was just for a little while.
I know she is an angel in heaven and she will always be there to help me pray to God. I'll have a little angel in heaven praying to God to give me a little angel here on earth, a healthy baby girl who looks just like me and whom I will raise in God's love so that one day when she is old and has lived a full life, she will go back to God in heaven.
So to my little angel in heaven, Marie Clarisse, you will always be a part of me. Thank you for the joy and happiness you made us feel. I have never kissed or hugged you but God will kiss and hug you for me. I love you forever.