Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Looking Back at 2015

It's the afternoon of the 31st. The year is ending so differently than how I pictured it would when it started last year.

Good things and not so good things....blessings and blessings in disguise.

Tonight I'd like to go back to the things I've done and been through this year.

January, February and March

I saw and heard Sofia's heartbeat. I walked in a bubble of joy and anticipation.

at five weeks

April, May and June

I learned that Sofia had hydrops (the presence of fluid in more than two compartments of the body) and would likely not survive. All my waking moments were spent in prayer. I expected a miracle. I gave birth four months too early. She went home to Heaven while I lay sleeping.  You may read The story of her birth here.  I spent my days and nights crying and sniffing my shirt where my milk had leaked. My husband turned a year older. I started writing letters to my dear Sofie.

last ultrasound taken a few hours before she was born

July, August, and September

I went back to work. My son and I turned another year older. I still cried every day but I gained back the strength to smile, to laugh and to sing. I learned that my son could write songs and beautiful ones at that. I started making notebooks and called them Clairedori. Our dog gave birth. We sold the male pups and kept the female.

my son's birthday celebration

October, November and December

I attended my former husband's wedding. My son played A Thousand Years on his violin for the bridal march. I enjoyed listening to my son play the guitar with his cousins and uncle in his father's side.  I experienced the most excruciating pain in my abdomen because of a kidney stone. I went back to my hometown to visit my grandparents' grave.  I went out of the country and walked the most number of steps I have ever walked in my entire life.  We celebrated our third wedding anniversary.    My son received the sacrament of confirmation. I had a chance to have a real conversation with my former husband's wife and surprisingly enjoyed it. My parents celebrated their forty-third. Someone stole my iPhone and because I knew it was someone in my workplace, I had never felt so violated. I  underwent shockwave therapy to shatter my kidney stone into pieces. I stayed in the hospital for one night.

Christmas Eve was beautiful. Everything I cooked and prepared was delicious. Our tiny house was filled with conversation and laughter among loved ones.  Faces were bright like our tree. Our stomachs were stuffed with good food and our hearts with love.

Christmas day was blessed and started with a holy mass celebrated by Bishop Ongtioco of the diocese of Cubao.  We remembered Sofia's 8the month in Heaven with a delicious chocolate cake at Mary Grace, watched a movie and ended the day with a light midnight snack at Shangri-La Hotel.

As you can see, it was a year filled with both joy and sadness, anticipation and broken hearts but it still was a blessed year...just not in the way I would expect a blessed year to be or feel.

It still was a blessed year because my family is in tact. My dear Sofia may have gone back to Heaven but we didn't lose her. She is with us every day.  We have three angels in Heaven. All of whom make me want to work extra hard to get to Heaven.  God must love me so much!

 My son is here, although full of mood swings, he is my source of pride and happiness. He is my life and I thank God for keeping him healthy and safe.

I am blessed with a loving and thoughtful husband. He strives so hard to make me happy. His and my son's safety and health (along with mine) are things I am thankful for every day.

My mom and my dad are still here and though both are ageing and both are so much weaker than they used to be, both are still productive and mobile. They have given me so much, sacrificed so much for me and for my sister and now for their grandchildren. I thank God for them and for their long life.

My sister is here, and though I don't get to spend as much time as I want to spend with her, I am thankful that she's here to share short chats and laughter with, to help me when I need her. I am thankful for the blessings she receives and for her generosity.

I am also blessed with a nephew who has brought us joy with his naughty antics. I love him and thank God for him.

I thank God for all those we love, and for those who love us.

I thank God for my son's father, for the relationship that they have. His health and safety are my son's treasures. And I pray for the success of his new marriage.

I am thankful for my friends, those who have been with me throughout the years, those people who offered prayers for Sofie and who continue to pray for me. I am so touched and I feel so blessed for having them.

I thank God for the doctors and nurses who took care of me and my dear Sofia, for their genuine concern and empathy. They have given me a new respect for their profession.

And that's basically how my year went and the priceless blessings I received from God this past year.

How was yours? I hope you feel as blessed as I do.

Happy New Year!  Let's all have a safe one.  God bless us all.  Cheers!


  1. I'm glad I found your blog this year, Claire! I've enjoyed following along and getting to know you. I've been so sad for you through your sadness and loved watching the wonderful moments with your family. I hope 2016 is a great year for you all!

    1. Em, happy 2016! I'm glad to have been given the chance to follow you too and get to know you through your blog. I hope 2016 will be awesome for us both. God bless you.


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