Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Fifteenth Letter to Sofia
My dear Sofie,
I just came home from a three-day retreat. A retreat is when we leave everything to go to a quiet place usually close to nature and there we pray, reflect and listen to God.
In one of our first activities, we were asked to write the blessings that we received this 2015, all the things that gave us happiness. And there we also wrote all the things that made us sad. This 2015, the happiest moments that I had mostly had something to do with you. When I first saw your heart beating, I was so happy. There was new life growing inside of me and nothing could beat that feeling of joy and hope mixed beautifully together. All those moments I heard your strong heartbeat gave me so much happiness. I knew that you were there, growing, holding on until the time was right for us to meet face to face.
My lowest moment (and of course, your dad's) was when you left us to go back home to God. I don't think I will ever be able to find the words to describe the mixed feeling of sadness, grief, disappointment, frustration, guilt, anger, and of lost hopes and dreams.
We were asked to fold our paper to a smaller size, to cup our hands and place the paper on our palms. The speaker said, "Close your eyes and feel the angels of God coming down from heaven. They embrace you, they take your paper from your hands and offer it at the foot of the cross." The moment she talked about angels coming down, I saw you and your two siblings. I saw the three of you surrounding me. It was so beautiful and my tears flowed down heavily from my eyes, down my cheeks, dripping down my chin and falling on my shirt. My eyes were like an overflowing well. My tears fell like they never did before because at that moment, I felt that I was with you...with all three of you. I felt your presence and at that moment, my heart was full.
I miss you so much my sweet Sofie! I think about you every day and I will never stop doing so. Tell your siblings I miss them too. I love you all.
Flying hugs and kisses to Heaven,