The Secret Notebook: Love letter to my son

This post is supposedly for yesterday's Blogtember blog challenge prompt over at Story of My Life. I failed to link up last night but here I am now.

Prompt: Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn't necessarily need to be romantic)

decided to write to my son since I have been wanting to do this for some time now.

My dear Tootsieroll,

I know you're 14 and you probably don't want me to call you by this name, specially in public (or in this case) on the worldwide web but for me, you are still my baby.

Time has flown by so quickly. I can still remember how it felt to have your little body in my arms, with you looking so sweet, helpless and just simply angelic. I remember looking at you and thinking that I would stop at nothing just so you'd have a happy life and a bright future.

You were such a happy little baby, you filled our home with your gurgles and giggles. Just seeing those dimpled smiles was enough to make Mommy forget the time. As you grew into your toddler years, you continued to be a source of joy, not only to those of us at home but also to everyone you met, through your songs, dances and endless chatter. You were such an affectionate little boy who loved to give me big hugs and kisses. You would often stop in the middle of play just to give Mommy a hug and a kiss. Oh how I miss those days!

You could read the alphabet at age 2 and by the time you were three, you were already reading sentences. And yet all we did was to teach you your ABC's! As you grew older, you continued to amaze me with your quick mind, excellent memory and keen attention to details. Your teachers said that your stock knowledge and bright insights brought so much more life to class discussions which would otherwise have been so much duller had you not been around. And nobody was prouder than I when we discovered you weren't only talented in writing and drawing, but you were also talented in music. You are a gifted violinist who never fails to amaze audiences during recitals. I always hear whispered praises whenever you play during those occasions and it takes all of my self-control not to look around me and proudly say, "That's my son, that's my son!"

Still, as joyful as it is to be your mom, it has also been hard. I guess motherhood is like that, a balanced blend of joys and pains, of laughter and tears, of victories and defeats. I guess it's even harder because you are so much like me and along with my interests and positive traits, you also got the ones which I like least. You are stubborn, you insist on having your own way and you try your best to have the last word. Now I know how it is for my mom and my dad. I only wish that these traits will be tamed through the years just like I have tamed mine and that you will grow up to be quite a gentleman.

You have changed so much over the years. You now have mood swings, which, I know for a fact, you didn't get from me. You never kiss me anymore, you seldom give me a hug and you don't want me to hold your hand. You now insist on your own style in terms of clothing, haircut, and even in the way you pose in front of a camera. Goodness! Why you like to imitate old folks who used to wear straight faces in front of a camera is something that will forever be beyond me.

My dear Tootsieroll, my Mr. Toots, my big boy Manuel, we have gone through a lot. I know I have not been the perfect mom....I've been far from it, in fact. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. I love you more than I can ever express in my words or in my actions. Sometimes I know I can be hard, I can be harsh. Sometimes, I get frustrated and angry. Sometimes I raise my voice or I shout. Sometimes I give punishments. I hope you understand why I react the way I do, why I say the words I say, why I do the things I do. It's all because I love you and I want you to be the best person you can possibly be. You have so much potential within you and I am not saying this because I am your mom. I know so because I've been around kids for years and it's my job to know these things. I don't want you to put it all to waste. I want you to have the beautiful life God had planned for you. I just want you to be independent. I want you to grow up to be a productive member of society, and a responsible and loving Christian. I want you to love people and I want people to love you back.

When you were in my womb, I had so many plans for you. I expected you to do things I could do and do them better, to do things I was never able to do due to fear and lack of confidence, to like all the things I liked. I wanted you to be the perfect me. As it turned out, even though you are so much like me, you are, in so many ways, so different from me.

You are your own person. Do everything you can to develop all your talents, capabilities and potentials. Always challenge your mind. Have a passion for learning. Enhance your skills. Practice is the key. Discover more of yourself. Be better today than yesterday. Eat healthy and exercise regularly. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Don't let the past tie you down. Learn from it then move on. Pray hard and work hard. Love God more than anyone and anything. Give respect and always treat others with kindness, empathy and consideration. Love everyone and do not be afraid to show this love. Love yourself, be proud of who you are but be wary of unhealthy pride. Always be humble and remember that everything you have, everything you are comes from God so everything you do should be for His greater glory. I guess if you do all these, you will be even better than who I wanted you to be when you were in my womb. You will be the perfect you and that is so much better than the perfect me.

You will always be my baby boy no matter how many years have gone by and how many more will come and pass. It feels good to know that I will always be the first woman you have loved. At least, that is something no girl, lady or woman can ever take away from me. :)

May the world always be kind to you. God bless you, my son. May the good Lord grant us many more happy decades to enjoy each other's company and may He bless you with a long, happy, and fulfilling life.

Love always,
Mommy

Here are some pictures of my son taken over the years. They are not chronological though.

My son was born in the pre-digital age so I only posted a couple of baby pictures here.