Eighth Letter to Sofia

My dear Sofie,

I went back to work yesterday. I was a little early and there were only few teachers in the faculty room when I arrived. They asked how I was and I said I was okay. They didn't ask more but I knew they were curious about you, about why you were born so early. I felt that they thought it would be better to just keep silent because maybe they thought that you were a delicate topic and that they didn't want to upset me by bringing you up. However, it was their silence that upset me. As minutes passed and as more teachers came in, none of them had the good sense of asking me about you and I felt like crying. I wanted them to ask me about you. I wanted them to know you were born, that I saw you and I kissed you and that you were real. I wanted them to remember you ARE real.

To me, their silence meant that they were pretending nothing happened just to avoid a delicate topic. And it hurt me. It hurt me that I could not validate your existence. I knew that had you been here still, they would have asked me about you, about my birth experience. I knew that the atmosphere would have been different, that the room would not have been as quiet. Because that is the normal thing that happens when a new mom goes back to work. But I don't see why it should be different with me. I don't see why it should be different with you.  You are my child, my sweet baby and no matter how short your stay was here on earth, your short life, was and is still a cause of great joy and celebration for me and for your dad. And I wish more people knew that. I wish more people knew that asking about me about you would not upset me but would actually make me happy. I wish more people knew that asking me about you would probably bring tears to my eyes but they would be tears of joy because I would know that they remembered you. I wish more people knew that talking about you gives me great joy.

It was a very difficult morning for me but today was much better.

My dear Sofie, I love you so much! I miss you so much! And I'm so proud of you!!!

Love always and lots of flying kisses,
Mommy