To Sofia--first letter

Dearest Sofie,

It's been eleven days since you were born...since you went back to heaven.  I am so sorry we were not able to keep you here with us, that we could not protect you.  We begged God to allow us to keep you but it seems God wanted you back with Him at once.

I miss you every day.  I regret that I wasn't able to give you even just one hug, that I wasn't able to hold you close. I wonder if you would have recognized the sound of my heartbeat if you had a chance to lie on my chest. I wonder if that would have saved you, knowing that you were with me.

I wonder so many things because I still keep thinking if I did some things differently, maybe you would still be with us.

There are so many things I want to tell you, teach you and do for you.  And my heart aches knowing that I will never be able to do so.

I hope you know how much we love you and how happy we were when we found out you were growing inside me.

Thank you, Baby Sofie, for making us happy for twenty three weeks. Thank you for every smile you gave me and your dad. Thank you for making our days brighter. Thank you for giving us something to look forward to.

I hope you will not be sad if you see me crying, like your dad said you would.  Someday I will not cry as often as I do today but when that happens, please do not think I have forgotten you. Because I will never forget you.   Someday your dad and I will have another baby girl but that will not make me love you any less. I will always love you, I will always miss you.  You are a part of me and I just know you are my mini-me.  You have a  place in my heart that nobody can ever fill.  I will never ever be complete until we are together once more.

I love you, my baby girl.

Love always, (flying kisses to heaven)

Mommy