For My Angel in Heaven

For 13 days I walked around in a bubble of happiness.

I learned I was pregnant and for a while everything was different. The world looked brighter. I was finally pregnant after fourteen years. I was sure it was a girl.

That bubble of happiness burst yesterday when I lost the baby.
I came home feeling empty. It's funny how you can miss someone you've never really seen, how it's so easy to love someone after just two weeks of knowing she existed.

I read somewhere that souls who leave this earth even before being born are the holiest of souls. And that is my consolation. I pray that she knows that we loved her and still do and that love will always be there no matter how many years pass and even if I give birth to another baby girl. I will always remember those thireen days of happiness that she gave me. Those moments I placed my hands on my tummy, desperately trying to somehow connect with her are so precious to me. So I thank her for making me and her dad so happy even if it was just for a little while.

I know she is an angel in heaven and she will always be there to help me pray to God. I'll have a little angel in heaven praying to God to give me a little angel here on earth, a healthy baby girl who looks just like me and whom I will raise in God's love so that one day when she is old and has lived a full life, she will go back to God in heaven.

So to my little angel in heaven, Marie Clarisse, you will always be a part of me. Thank you for the joy and happiness you made us feel. I have never kissed or hugged you but God will kiss and hug you for me.  I love you forever.

Pregnancy News

I am five weeks and one day pregnant today.

Yep, you've read that right. I am pregnant and I couldn't believe it either when I first tested on the 16th.  The test band was very faint and I thought I was just seeing things so I repeated the test the next day and I got another faint test band but darker from the one the day before. We bought different brands of pregnancy test and I tested every morning for another five consecutive days. The test band got darker and darker each time until Ruel and I were finally convinced.

I had my first ultrasound last Wednesday but it was still too early to detect a heartbeat. Fortunately, I was somehow appeased to find out that it was an intrauterine pregnancy.  I'm counting the days till my next ultrasound which will be in less than two weeks' time. Then we'll be able to see a fetal heartbeat!

As of now, I'm trying so hard not to get obsessed with pregnancy apps. I have three of them. Time seemed to have stopped and no matter how much I want it to go faster, it doesn't.

I haven't felt any symptom of pregnancy except for sore breasts. The morning sickness which was an all-day sickness with my first pregnancy has not yet started. There are no weird cravings. I never had them during my first and I don't think I'll have them now. I'm always looking for something to eat but I'm not so sure it has something to do with my pregnancy.

For now, I will try my best to focus on the things at hand, like preparing for the opening of the school year. I will try but no promises.:)

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

We celebrated it last night with a simple dinner at Chilli's.  We all missed my sister who's presently in Australia with her family.  Unfortunately, we were not able to document the celebration even with the presence of my new monopod which is my favorite "gadget" at the moment.

This can extend up to two of my arms length. 

These pictures were taken by me with the help of my monopod.

And speaking of pictures, I thought the sky looked lovely yesterday, so I took some pics.

Is that a pretty sky or what?

God is so good!

April Blessings

April had been kind to me. The absence of work-related stress these last three weeks is something I thank God for.

Let's take a quick look at some of my blessings this past month.

We celebrated my sister's birthday at Seven Seasons.

I got a chance to see this  glorious sunset.

I spent hours playing with my nephew.

I see beauty every time I go out the front door.

April was a blessed month though not every blessing was captured in camera.

One blessing was captured in an ultrasound report though and it's worth sharing.  I have two mature follicles, one in my right ovary and another in my left.  I had my Pregnyl shot last Tuesday.  Please whisper a short prayer for me.