I had twins!

First of all, I would like to thank the four ladies who left a comment on my last post. You were all so sweet and I apologize for not having been able to reply. I tried to reply thrice but somehow my reply was not posted everytime. I tried opening my email so I could reply via email but to my surprise there were no email notifications of blog comments.  I think there is a problem with blogger.

I have been away for almost a month. One would think I would be okay now after what happened with my pregnancy. That's just the exact opposite. It's really weird....what happened to me. On the day I miscarried they found a mass in my ovary and I had to undergo hcg tests and ultrasound monitoring to rule out another pregnancy which was ectopic. Last week the reader saw a yolk sac where the mass was. My doctor said he had to take it out through laparotomy. It would cost around 130k. I wanted to find another doctor in a cheaper hospital. It would be okay for me to spend that amount when I'd be going home with a baby.

I sought out other doctors with the help of a family friend who was also a doctor until I met Dr. Pauline Chan of Cardinal Santos. She said that since my ectopic pregnancy was still small and my hcg low she could just give me a dose of methotrexate as medical management.

Goodness gracious! The medicine gave me three days of bloating andsome serious cramping! I just wanted to stay in bed all day. It hurt a lot to stand, like my abdomen would suddenly burst open. It was like I was recovering from a c-section without the pain reliever.

From 198, my hcg level went down to 156 last Monday. My doctor said it should fall below 100 on Friday. Otherwise, I'd have to have another shot of methotrexate. I hope my hcg level does fall significantly as I don't want to have another shot of methotrexate. I read on the net that this medicine depletes the body of folic acid which is very essential for the normal development of a baby in the womb.  I also read that there was a waiting period before trying to get pregnant again and the more shots you have, the longer you should wait.  This is my problem. Younger women can wait a year but I don't have the luxary of time as I am old and my fertility is decreasing with the passing of the days. I hope and pray that God would restore the health of my body and that He'd grant me the baby girl I desperately desire soon.

So I guess I have to think of another baby name. It seems I had twins and I was only able to give a name to the one in my uterus.  The one in the ovary needs one too.  I have to go and think of one now or maybe let my husband do it since I was already the ine who named Marie Clarisse.

I hope better days are coming...

For My Angel in Heaven

For 13 days I walked around in a bubble of happiness.

I learned I was pregnant and for a while everything was different. The world looked brighter. I was finally pregnant after fourteen years. I was sure it was a girl.

That bubble of happiness burst yesterday when I lost the baby.
I came home feeling empty. It's funny how you can miss someone you've never really seen, how it's so easy to love someone after just two weeks of knowing she existed.

I read somewhere that souls who leave this earth even before being born are the holiest of souls. And that is my consolation. I pray that she knows that we loved her and still do and that love will always be there no matter how many years pass and even if I give birth to another baby girl. I will always remember those thireen days of happiness that she gave me. Those moments I placed my hands on my tummy, desperately trying to somehow connect with her are so precious to me. So I thank her for making me and her dad so happy even if it was just for a little while.

I know she is an angel in heaven and she will always be there to help me pray to God. I'll have a little angel in heaven praying to God to give me a little angel here on earth, a healthy baby girl who looks just like me and whom I will raise in God's love so that one day when she is old and has lived a full life, she will go back to God in heaven.

So to my little angel in heaven, Marie Clarisse, you will always be a part of me. Thank you for the joy and happiness you made us feel. I have never kissed or hugged you but God will kiss and hug you for me.  I love you forever.

Pregnancy News

I am five weeks and one day pregnant today.

Yep, you've read that right. I am pregnant and I couldn't believe it either when I first tested on the 16th.  The test band was very faint and I thought I was just seeing things so I repeated the test the next day and I got another faint test band but darker from the one the day before. We bought different brands of pregnancy test and I tested every morning for another five consecutive days. The test band got darker and darker each time until Ruel and I were finally convinced.

I had my first ultrasound last Wednesday but it was still too early to detect a heartbeat. Fortunately, I was somehow appeased to find out that it was an intrauterine pregnancy.  I'm counting the days till my next ultrasound which will be in less than two weeks' time. Then we'll be able to see a fetal heartbeat!

As of now, I'm trying so hard not to get obsessed with pregnancy apps. I have three of them. Time seemed to have stopped and no matter how much I want it to go faster, it doesn't.

I haven't felt any symptom of pregnancy except for sore breasts. The morning sickness which was an all-day sickness with my first pregnancy has not yet started. There are no weird cravings. I never had them during my first and I don't think I'll have them now. I'm always looking for something to eat but I'm not so sure it has something to do with my pregnancy.

For now, I will try my best to focus on the things at hand, like preparing for the opening of the school year. I will try but no promises.:)

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

We celebrated it last night with a simple dinner at Chilli's.  We all missed my sister who's presently in Australia with her family.  Unfortunately, we were not able to document the celebration even with the presence of my new monopod which is my favorite "gadget" at the moment.

This can extend up to two of my arms length. 

These pictures were taken by me with the help of my monopod.

And speaking of pictures, I thought the sky looked lovely yesterday, so I took some pics.

Is that a pretty sky or what?

God is so good!