I need prayers for my baby.

Every day I wish that I am just having a bad dream. 
Every day I wish that I would finally wake up.
But I do not. 
It's been more than two weeks. 

When I learned I got pregnant in December 2014, I thought that everything was going to be fine.
My first ultrasounds were okay.  Baby's heartbeat was strong. 

I was scheduled for a routine congenital anomaly scan and gender scan on my 20th week  
I was very excited about the gender scan but a bit anxious about the anomaly scan not because I
felt something was wrong but just because I was a natural worrier. 

Nothing had prepared me for what the sonologist told me.  I had no amniotic fluid and there was water in the baby's abdomen, around its heart and around its lungs.  She offered no further explanations and just told us to see our OB.  I didn't even get to know my baby's gender.  However, at the time and at the present moment, gender is the least of my worries.  I just want my baby to be normal and healthy. 

The ultrasound report read "Consider hydrops fetalis".  We googled it and that's when I felt the world crumbling down on me.  I felt the bubble of happiness I've been in for the past months pop, and left me feeling empty.  I cried till the bones in my face hurt, just like they do when you have a terrible toothache.

We saw our OB two days after, on the Monday after Easter.  I was still stuck in Lent.
My husband and I were both hoping she would take one look at the ultrasound pictures and declare that the sonologist had it all wrong.  But she did not.  The hydrops affecting my baby was non-immune hydrops and according to her, if it was the other type, there would be something we could do to treat it.  However, since it was not, the only thing I could do was wait.  Imagine being only at 20 weeks at the time, and my OB told me I could go into labor anytime.  She even told me I could already stop taking my prenatal vitamins.

I did not want to believe her. I do not want to believe her.  I am still taking my prenatal vitamins regularly and we are waiting for a miracle. My baby's heartbeat is strong, and as long as she is fighting, we will be fighting this battle with her.  Doctors are experts, but their knowledge and expertise are limited compared to the goodness, mercy and power of our God, the same God who created the heavens and the earth and all living things.

We had another ultrasound on the 11th of April.  It showed that the fluid had spread to the scalp.  I had less amniotic fluit.  But my baby's heartbeat was strong. 

We went to another doctor to seek for a second opinion.  We were given two other doctors who could take care of the baby once the baby is out.  I do not want to imagine how much the procedures would cost us.  Honestly, I do not know where to get the money. 

I cannot remember praying this hard or praying as much.  Sometimes, I still feel afraid.  But most of the time, I feel confident that God is doing His work.  He will give us this miracle.  I do not care what the doctors or the ultrasound results say.   In the mighty name of Jesus, this baby will be healthy and normal.  I am claiming this miracle for my baby.

I hope that those of you who stumbled on my blog, will whisper a short prayer for my baby. 

Thank you.

 

Why Graduations Always Make Me Cry

me (at four months and two weeks) after the graduation ceremonies

 Another school year has passed.

We had our 6th Grade Graduation Ceremonies today.

Like every year, I could do very little to stop the tears from flowing.

They are not my biological kids but just like every parent, I felt proud seeing them on the stage, seeing how grown up they have become since the time I was their adviser in third grade.

They are not my flesh and blood, but I would like to think they are a part of me as much as I am a part of them.  They are the fruits of my labors, patience and commitment.  Their ideals and principles have somehow been influenced by mine.  I have placed an indelible mark in their characters whether they are aware of it or not.

It is for that reason, I cry every year.  They are tears of joy and of pride.  But it is probably something that the kids do not understand when they see me crying.

Students choose the teachers they like and attach themselves to.

But teachers....we never get to choose, because at the end of the year, we realize that throughout all the coaching, the reprimands, the counseling we've done for them, we have grown in love with each and everyone of them. 

This is something that students seldom realize --- that when we say we love them, we really do mean it.

 

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There's Nothing Sweeter than a Lazy Day

I wish I could have more days like this.

Lazy days like this is what I always crave for, specially now that I am almost four months pregnant.

I didn't have to do much today.  In fact, the only productive thing I did was to make some pastillas de leche, a sugary-milky dessert that's well-loved by Filipinos.

I hate milk but I like dairy products like pastillas, so for lack of a better thing to do, I decided to gather the ingredients and make some for my family. (I had some paperwork I brought home from school but I liked making pastillas more, so the paperwork just had to wait.)

my pastillas de leche

They're just easy to make.  The hardest part is in the mixing.  If you would like to try it, here's how I made mine.

What you need:

300 ml condensed milk
300 g full cream milk powder
white sugar

What to do:
1.Mix the condensed milk and powdered milk in a bowl.  Be sure to mix it thoroughly.
2. Get a small lump, dip it in white sugar and roll your lump into a nice little ball.
3. Once you have your desired ball shape, roll it in the sugar and make sure you have the whole ball   coated with sugar.  Set your coated ball aside in a container. 
4. Repeat numbers 2 and 3 until nothing remains of the mixture.

I normally would want this sweeter, probably using 350 ml of condensed milk instead of just 300 but this would do for a pregnant woman like me.

What about you, what have you been up to today?

People on FB can be so mean.

I recently read and commented to an article which was shared on Facebook. My comment was not malicious at all and I didn't say any negative thing about the president or his administration. I just said that economic growth was useless if there were still a lot of people who were hungry, who cannot afford decent housing, basic healthcare and education. Imagine my disbelief when people started replying to my comment saying I was a lazy person who didn't do anything but complain. Some of them called me names and one even said it was hard for a teacher like me to understand the basics of economics. Everything was enough to cause my blood to go up to my face.

I cannot understand how some people can be so mean, or how they can just judge someone so easily without even meeting the person face to face or without knowing anything about the person except for one innocent comment.

I continue to get notifications on fb and I'm guessing they're still about the comment I made. But I have decided to ignore the notifications for the good of my health and of my baby's.

I have learned my lesson. I will never post comments on articles shared on FB ever again.