Every day I wish that I am just having a bad dream.
Every day I wish that I would finally wake up.
But I do not.
It's been more than two weeks.
When I learned I got pregnant in December 2014, I thought that everything was going to be fine.
My first ultrasounds were okay. Baby's heartbeat was strong.
I was scheduled for a routine congenital anomaly scan and gender scan on my 20th week
I was very excited about the gender scan but a bit anxious about the anomaly scan not because I
felt something was wrong but just because I was a natural worrier.
Nothing had prepared me for what the sonologist told me. I had no amniotic fluid and there was water in the baby's abdomen, around its heart and around its lungs. She offered no further explanations and just told us to see our OB. I didn't even get to know my baby's gender. However, at the time and at the present moment, gender is the least of my worries. I just want my baby to be normal and healthy.
The ultrasound report read "Consider hydrops fetalis". We googled it and that's when I felt the world crumbling down on me. I felt the bubble of happiness I've been in for the past months pop, and left me feeling empty. I cried till the bones in my face hurt, just like they do when you have a terrible toothache.
We saw our OB two days after, on the Monday after Easter. I was still stuck in Lent.
My husband and I were both hoping she would take one look at the ultrasound pictures and declare that the sonologist had it all wrong. But she did not. The hydrops affecting my baby was non-immune hydrops and according to her, if it was the other type, there would be something we could do to treat it. However, since it was not, the only thing I could do was wait. Imagine being only at 20 weeks at the time, and my OB told me I could go into labor anytime. She even told me I could already stop taking my prenatal vitamins.
I did not want to believe her. I do not want to believe her. I am still taking my prenatal vitamins regularly and we are waiting for a miracle. My baby's heartbeat is strong, and as long as she is fighting, we will be fighting this battle with her. Doctors are experts, but their knowledge and expertise are limited compared to the goodness, mercy and power of our God, the same God who created the heavens and the earth and all living things.
We had another ultrasound on the 11th of April. It showed that the fluid had spread to the scalp. I had less amniotic fluit. But my baby's heartbeat was strong.
We went to another doctor to seek for a second opinion. We were given two other doctors who could take care of the baby once the baby is out. I do not want to imagine how much the procedures would cost us. Honestly, I do not know where to get the money.
I cannot remember praying this hard or praying as much. Sometimes, I still feel afraid. But most of the time, I feel confident that God is doing His work. He will give us this miracle. I do not care what the doctors or the ultrasound results say. In the mighty name of Jesus, this baby will be healthy and normal. I am claiming this miracle for my baby.
I hope that those of you who stumbled on my blog, will whisper a short prayer for my baby.