Currently...

I have tried writing a post, uploaded some pictures, but to my dismay and frustration I just couldn't finish it because my laptop was responding so slowly! It was supposedly a review of the month of August which has already gotten stale since we are alrealdy at the end of September.  So, instead of finishing that post, I'm doing a currently post here on my phone to avoid the frustration that comes from using my laptop.

Currently, I am....

THINKING of a menu for Christmas and New Year's Eve. I'm always excited about Christmas and this year isn't any different.

MAKING a Christmas list in my mind. (Unlike most people who write down their lists, I only usually make a mental list of things I want to remember. ) Last year I promised myself I wouldn't overspend this year. But I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to do so.  There's no harm in trying though.

WANTING to get pregnant. I was supposed to have my period three days ago but until now it hasn't arrived. I'm starting to worry that I'm not ovulating. I hope I'm wrong. We can start trying again this October so I hope I have a normal cycle. I haven't been to my acupuncturist for three weeks now because of my busy schedule. Hopefully, I can go next Saturday.

CRAVING for milk tea, ice cream, cakes and pastries and everything that's bad for me. Why does the bad feel/taste so good??? I guess that is an age-old question.

WISHING I had more time for my family and for myself. For the past two months, I've been going to work on Saturdays, leaving only Sundays to attend to family duties (my side and hubby's side) and nothing is left for some "me" time which I define as a time for reading or just staying in bed doing nothing but enjoying the sheets. How I miss that!

Well, that's the end of my currently post.

Let's all hope I can write a new post using my laptop soon. I guess I have to have it reformatted and I don't know when I can have time for that.

Thoughts on Turning 40

on my first birthday

I'm writing this post two days before I turn 40.  I guess when you reach this age, it is but natural to look back at the past, see where you've been, what you have done and accomplished, ponder on the things you left undone, words left unspoken, chances not taken and wonder what could have been. I'm two days short of being forty and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I see people I know living the life I've always wanted, doing the work I've planned to do when I was twenty years younger. I see people I know living my dream.

Two days from now I turn forty. And life is far from the life I thought I'd have when I was just a teenager.

Yes, life didn't turn out the way I wanted. I've made mistakes that had turned my life upside down but       regardless of whatever mistakes I've done, whatever chances I didn't take, whatever things and words I didn't do and say, I always realize I have everything that makes life worth living.

My smart, talented and opinionated fifteen-year-old son --  I worry about him every day, I complain about how hard it is raising a teenager, I get stressed when he argues with me but in spite of everything, I'd rather be a mother rather than a single woman travelling the world. And I'll never trade him for any other boy.  If I have to live my life all over again, I'll do the same things I've done, walk the same path I've walked, commit the same errors I've committed just to make sure I'll still have him for my son.

My son, Toots, when he was ten years younger.

Hunny Bed - I know he loves me.  He is my second chance.  He takes care of me and of my son.  He does everything to make me happy and I live for his embrace.

My parents and my sister -- No matter what happens, I know they will always be there for me.  We may not agree on everything ...or on a lot of things but they are my stronghold on this earth.  I feel very blessed that I still have my parents with me and I pray for many more healthy and productive years for them.  My sister and I no longer spend as much time as we did before, but she and I will always be the best friends that we were when we were just innocent young girls playing make-believe.

This was taken today during my advance birthday celebration.

My little nephew, Emilio -- He is such a joy!  Playing with him makes me feel like a child again and because he looks a lot like my son, he reminds me so much of my son's toddler years.




Lastly, I have job I believe I am good at, a job that allows me to touch the future and change society one child at a time.  Not many successful people can say that about their job.

These are the things that matter.  I'm turning 40 on Tuesday.  I don't have much to show based on the world's standards but God has given me everything I need to keep me happy....and that's what's really important.

Things I Learned During My Two-Month Maternity Leave

There were a lot of things I learned during my maternity leave. A lot of them were from the research I have made about the reproductive system, the  process of reproduction, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, fertility diet. But some of them were about life.  Let me share some of these with you.

1. You will know who your real friends are when there is a storm.

2. Not everyone you have lunch or coffee with is your friend. And not everyone you consider your 

    friend is truly your friend.

3. Some people simply don't care no matter how much they pretend to do when the storm has passed.

4. Things happen for a reason and though we don't always understand this reason, we just have to 

     trust the wisdom of God.

5. There are things we can control and things we can't. The only thing we can do about the things we  

    can't control is to let God control them for us.

I'm hoping the next learnings I will have will come from a happy experience.

Baby Plan

It's now more than a month after my miscarriage.  Aside from the medical management for my ectopic pregnancy I have been busy preparing my body for the baby the Great Creator of Life will grant us.

I have been  making conscious effort  to have more vegetables and fruits in my diet.   I also have been reading up on the different fruits and vegetables that can help a couple with fertility issues.

I've  been going to an acupuncturist.  I've had three sessions and will have my fourth one tomorrow.  I hope I can be more relaxed tomorrow as I still am a bit uncomfortable about the needles which the doctor leaves for 20 minutes.  It's not that the process is painful.  In fact, you don't really feel the prick.  My acupuncturist is also a medical practitioner, an ob-gynecologist affiliated with two of the most prestigious hospitals in the country so I feel safe. It's just I'm naturally fearful of needles.  

I have also been praying this prayer which I found on the internet and took a screen shot of.  Well...actually, it's not the only prayer I've been praying but it's one of my favorites.

I'm 95 percent decided not to have another round of fertility treatments as I have read that they increase the risk of pregnancy complications like ectopic pregnancies, etc.  

I'm more inclined to go about my fertility problem the natural way.  With diet, acupuncture, a positive outlook and lots and lots of prayer, I believe that I'll have a beautiful, normal and healthy baby in my arms soon.