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| on my first birthday |
I'm writing this post two days before I turn 40. I guess when you reach this age, it is but natural to look back at the past, see where you've been, what you have done and accomplished, ponder on the things you left undone, words left unspoken, chances not taken and wonder what could have been. I'm two days short of being forty and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I see people I know living the life I've always wanted, doing the work I've planned to do when I was twenty years younger. I see people I know living my dream.
Two days from now I turn forty. And life is far from the life I thought I'd have when I was just a teenager.
Yes, life didn't turn out the way I wanted. I've made mistakes that had turned my life upside down but regardless of whatever mistakes I've done, whatever chances I didn't take, whatever things and words I didn't do and say, I always realize I have everything that makes life worth living.
My smart, talented and opinionated fifteen-year-old son -- I worry about him every day, I complain about how hard it is raising a teenager, I get stressed when he argues with me but in spite of everything, I'd rather be a mother rather than a single woman travelling the world. And I'll never trade him for any other boy. If I have to live my life all over again, I'll do the same things I've done, walk the same path I've walked, commit the same errors I've committed just to make sure I'll still have him for my son.
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| My son, Toots, when he was ten years younger. |
Hunny Bed - I know he loves me. He is my second chance. He takes care of me and of my son. He does everything to make me happy and I live for his embrace.
My parents and my sister -- No matter what happens, I know they will always be there for me. We may not agree on everything ...or on a lot of things but they are my stronghold on this earth. I feel very blessed that I still have my parents with me and I pray for many more healthy and productive years for them. My sister and I no longer spend as much time as we did before, but she and I will always be the best friends that we were when we were just innocent young girls playing make-believe.
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| This was taken today during my advance birthday celebration. |
My little nephew, Emilio -- He is such a joy! Playing with him makes me feel like a child again and because he looks a lot like my son, he reminds me so much of my son's toddler years.
Lastly, I have job I believe I am good at, a job that allows me to touch the future and change society one child at a time. Not many successful people can say that about their job.
These are the things that matter. I'm turning 40 on Tuesday. I don't have much to show based on the world's standards but God has given me everything I need to keep me happy....and that's what's really important.
